AOC Unveils Green New Meal Plan: ‘Mandatory Kale for All’ Sparks Nationwide Panic

In a shocking twist to her progressive agenda, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has proposed a radical new dietary policy aimed at combating climate change—by replacing all fast food with government-subsidized kale. “If we want to save the planet, we need to start with what’s on our plates,” AOC announced while sipping an oat milk smoothie. The plan, dubbed the *Green New Meal*, would phase out burgers in favor of sustainable, locally-sourced quinoa bowls. Critics warn of economic collapse in the bacon industry, while some Americans have already begun stockpiling nacho cheese. AOC fired back on social media, tweeting, “Y’all survived toilet paper shortages—you’ll survive this.” Meanwhile, McDonald's has rebranded its Big Mac as the “Vegan Macrobiotic Delight” in a desperate attempt to stay ahead of the regulatory curve.