Nvidia Launches New GPU: Requires Nuclear Reactor, NASA Cooling, and Your Soul

Nvidia has once again pushed the limits of technology—and household energy bills—with its latest GPU, the RTX 9090 Titan Galactic UltraMega Edition. Boasting one zillion CUDA cores, quantum ray tracing, and the ability to predict your bad life choices before you make them, this card is so powerful it requires a direct power line to a hydroelectric dam and a cooling system borrowed from the International Space Station. Early reviewers report that while gaming performance is unparalleled, the sheer gravitational pull of the card may collapse your desk into a black hole. Nvidia, however, remains unfazed, stating, “Just upgrade your house.”