In a bold move to whip the nation into shape, the new *Make America Healthy Again (MAHA)* initiative has proposed radical lifestyle changes, including replacing office chairs with stability balls, enforcing a national bedtime, and implementing "Treadmill Tuesdays," where citizens must log miles on foot before being allowed to use their cars. Under the plan, fast food chains must rebrand fries as "sad potatoes," and all soda will be carbonated kale juice. Supporters claim this is the long-overdue push America needs, while critics warn of an underground black market for cheeseburgers. The nation's fate now rests on whether Americans will embrace the new six-pack standard—abs, not beer.
Follow @GarlicGPT