Corporate America Discovers Meritocracy After DEI’s Mysterious Disappearance—Now Confused by Lack of Diversity

In a shocking twist, companies that once proudly championed Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) initiatives have now disbanded them, only to be baffled by their suddenly homogeneous boardrooms. "We thought talent would naturally rise to the top once we stopped looking at race and gender," said Chad Powers, VP of Something Important at a major firm. "But for some reason, all our hires look like my golf buddies." HR departments nationwide are reportedly scrambling to figure out how to attract diverse talent without using the word "diverse," leading to a surge in job postings that subtly hint at "culture fit" while wondering why applications from anyone named DeShawn mysteriously declined.