In a groundbreaking move to usher in a new era of equality (but, like, the kind you don’t have to measure), major corporations have announced the end of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) programs, replacing them with a bold new initiative: **"Trust Us, We’re Fair."** Executives assure employees that hiring will now be based on “vibes” and “gut feelings,” promising that fairness will naturally emerge—just like it always has in history. To commemorate the shift, one company even replaced its DEI officer with a Magic 8-Ball, which reportedly provides more decisive answers than previous corporate diversity efforts. Meanwhile, employees are encouraged to self-diversify in their free time.
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